Feeling Alone in Wedding Planning?

Engaged couples don’t need a mug or a cheeseboard with their last name on it… They need SUPPORT. 👏

Though wedding planning can be one of the most exciting times of a person’s life, it is also extremely demanding and can bring up a lot of different feelings.

There are parts of the wedding planning process that may feel… not good… and it’s rarely talked about. Sacrifices are made, a million decisions and to-do lists demand your attention, relationships in your life are put to the test, and let’s not even get into the financial details.

If you are engaged, I want you to know you are not alone in feeling a mix of excitement, resentment, overwhelm, and frustration. I want to be your safe space to celebrate the exciting moments AND also sit with you and help you tackle the hard moments. Know that not liking every moment of the process is NORMAL and that you are not alone. Let's chat about some of the most common (untalked about) struggles couples face, to not only help validate how you are feeling and to help us plan for solutions and perhaps help make the planning just a little bit more enjoyable.

Family Challenges

Whether oversharing their unwanted opinions, critiquing every decision you make or somehow making the event more about what they want than what you and your partner want... Here are a few tips that may help you prepare for dealing with family drama.

• Communicate, communicate, communicate, and communicate some more. Try to keep everyone in the loop to prevent blindsiding or catching anyone off guard which can increase defensive behavior. If you are feeling unsupported, attempt, if at all possible, to have an open and honest conversation with them about your upcoming plans, expectations, and why the decisions are important to you and your partner.

• Set boundaries early: If your family members are being overly critical or negative, it may be necessary to set some boundaries. I recommend practicing a few go-to lines, out loud in front of the mirror. It may sound like; "although we appreciate your input, ultimately that decision has already been set in stone and we are no longer wanting to further discuss." Be firm, but also try to be respectful and understanding of their feelings.

• Seek out support from others: If your family members are not supportive, it can be helpful to seek out support from other sources. Talk to friends, other family members, or a professional wedding planner who can not only offer advice and guidance but also be your cheerleading and hype person. Join a wedding planning group or forum online to connect with other brides and get ideas and support.

• Vision: At the beginning of wedding planning I recommend you and your partner discuss your vision and priorities, that way you can refer back to this in the chaos to help ground your decisions. Remember that this is your wedding and it should reflect your vision and values. Don't let unsupportive family members discourage you from planning the wedding you want. Stay focused on your priorities and goals, and try not to get too caught up in other people's opinions.

• Consider compromise: If there are specific issues that your family members are concerned about, there may be cases where it may be helpful to try to find a compromise that works for everyone. For example, if they are worried about the cost of the wedding, you could look for ways to cut back on expenses or find creative alternatives. Or if there is a family tradition that is meaningful to your in-laws discuss your concerns and ideas for how to incorporate it in a way you are more comfortable

• Provide clear roles for members who are wanting to help. As long as you are comfortable with someone else completing a task it can often help people feel included and can help keep people distracted and on task. These tasks may include, steaming items, helping scout wedding venues or vendors and sending you one list, printing directions to the venue for guests, helping the photographer, ushering, creating playlists and creating the program.

• Limit Wedding talk. Tune in to how you are feeling and do not be afraid to shut down wedding talk when you are feeling wedding planning fatigue. Practice a few go-to lines and deflections to help get out of wedding talk. It could be something as simple as, "Thank you so much for asking, I am taking a bit of a break from discussing anything wedding-related today. What is new with you?"

Friend Challenges

If you are having flashbacks to spending hours helping one of your BFF's wedding planning and now that you're getting married... Crickets. OR perhaps you have a friend who just is not showing up how you expected or intended. Either way, it can be disappointing when your friend does not support you in wedding planning as you had hoped.

• Communicate: It's important to talk to your friend and share your feelings with them. Let them know how their lack of support is impacting you and ask them if there is a reason for it. Maybe they are going through some personal challenges that you are not aware of, or maybe they are feeling overwhelmed and don't know how to help. By communicating openly, you can work together to find a solution.

• What do you need: Sometimes, friends may not know how to help or may not realize that you need their support. Be specific about what you need from them, whether it's help with planning, emotional support, or just someone to bounce ideas off of. This can help them understand your expectations better and make it easier for them to support you.

• Perspective: It's possible that your friend may have a different perspective on your wedding planning than you do. Try to understand their point of view and be open to their ideas. Maybe they have concerns about the budget or the guest list that you haven't considered. By considering their perspective, you may be able to find a compromise that works for both of you.

• Seek support elsewhere: If your friend is unable or unwilling to provide the support you need, seek support from other sources. Consider hiring a wedding planner or reaching out to other friends or family members who are willing to help. You could also join a wedding planning group or forum online to connect with other brides and get advice and support.

Partner Challenges

Your partner popped the questions and now they are MIA? You love them but simultaneously they are getting on your last nerve.

• Wedding Planning Dates: Protecting and prioritizing time early on for both you AND your partner to sit down and plan or discuss wedding planning. This may include dinners, brunches, coffee dates, or wine nights either way, ensure you both protect the time and have clear expectations. Early on, determine not only wedding priorities and budget but also expectations of each partner, expectations of each date night, and participation. You could try starting with one per month starting with determining vision, budget, and dates of upcoming wedding planning dates. Between each date, have roles and goals for each of you to complete and review when coming back together. One partner may have more tasks between dates, depending on strengths, capacity, and timing, however, wedding planning dates still require both partner's involvement. With that being said the boundary you may both decide is that "wedding talk" and decisions stay on wedding planning nights and does not end up bleeding into every conversation.

• Date Nights Sans Wedding Planning: Although I am all for wedding planning dates, it is still so important to have dates and quality time together that does not revolve around or even involve any wedding planning at all. Be sure to schedule in some time together regularly that is something you both love, and try to set the commitment that you will not discuss wedding planning on these nights.

• Buffer: A wedding planner, coordinator, or expert in various wedding vendor areas may help with decision-making and efficiency. If you find yourself struggling through decisions reaching out for unbiased outside support can be helpful.

Tips for asking for help

Asking for help can sometimes be difficult, but here are some tips that may make it easier:

• Be specific: Avoid vague requests like "Can you help me with the wedding?" Instead, try to be as detailed as possible about what you need help with. For example, "Can you help me address invitations this weekend?" or "I need someone to help me pick out flowers for the centerpieces."

• Explain the "why": It can be helpful to explain why you need help, especially if you're asking someone who may not be familiar with the wedding planning process. Let them know what you're trying to accomplish and why it's important to you. This can help them understand the significance of their help and may make them more willing to assist.

• Be respectful of their time: When asking for help, be respectful of the other person's time and schedule. Let them know how much time you think the task will take, and ask if they have any time constraints or scheduling conflicts. If they're not able to help at the time you need it, be understanding and find another solution.

• Offer to reciprocate: If someone helps you with wedding planning, offer to reciprocate and help them with something in return. This can help build a mutually beneficial relationship and make it more likely that they'll be willing to help in the future.

• Gratitude: A thank you can go a VERY far way. Don't forget to express your gratitude and say thank you to the person who helped you. Let them know how much you appreciate their help and how it made a difference in your wedding planning process.

• Trust: If you have asked someone for help and have given clear expectations, be mindful not to micromanage. Trust your friend or family member in completing the task.

Tips for Setting Boundaries

• Be assertive without being aggressive.

• Know your limits: Take the time to identify what you are comfortable with and what you are not. Understand your needs, values, and priorities so that you can establish clear boundaries.

• Communicate your boundaries: Be clear and direct when communicating your boundaries to others. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and make sure that your message is understood.

• Be consistent: Once you have established your boundaries, be consistent in enforcing them. This will help others understand that you are serious about your boundaries and that they need to be respected.

• Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself is essential when setting and enforcing boundaries. Make sure to prioritize your own well-being and take time to engage in self-care activities that help you feel refreshed and balanced.

• Be prepared for pushback: Some people may not immediately respect your boundaries, and you may face pushback or resistance. Be prepared to stand firm in your boundaries and communicate your needs clearly.

Remember, setting boundaries is not about being selfish or unkind. It is about taking care of yourself and ensuring that your relationships are healthy and respectful.

Tips for when You are in the Midst of Overwhelm:

• Self-care: Early on in the wedding plan, make a list of quick and easy self-care activities as well as longer self-care activities that you can embark on if and when you feel overwhelmed. In the moment it can be hard to think of anything except for the wedding planning. If you only have a few minutes pull out your list of quick self-care strategies; meditation, deep breathing, color, or journaling for a few minutes, cuddle your pup, dance or listen to music. OR if you are able to take longer pull out your list of longer self-care strategies which may include; going for a walk, having a bath, painting your nails, and going for a massage, to name a few.

• Take and schedule breaks: It's important to take breaks to recharge your energy and clear your mind. Taking a break and pre-scheduling breaks will help prevent you from reaching your burnout point. Set timers, schedule into your calendar, or let your partner know you'll need a break accountability buddy if you often find yourself sitting and planning for hours and hours at a time without even taking a pee break!

• Reframe: Are you getting caught in a worry cycle? Or picturing every worst-case scenario? Take a moment to focus on what you can control and even reflect on all that could go right. It may also be a great opportunity to chat with your counselor, therapist or psychologist if you are wanting additional strategies!

Wedding planning Mindfulness Activity:

1. Find a quiet and comfortable place where you won't be disturbed.

2. Take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to relax.

3. Begin to notice your thoughts and feelings related to the wedding planning process. Are you feeling anxious, excited, overwhelmed, or something else?

4. Without judgment, simply observe your thoughts and feelings as they arise. Notice any physical sensations that accompany them, such as tension in your shoulders or tightness in your chest.

5. If your mind begins to wander, gently bring your focus back to your breath and the present moment.

6. Take a few more deep breaths and then slowly bring your attention back to the present moment. Name two things you hear, two things you feel, two things you smell, and upon opening your eyes, two things you notice.

How to Support Your Engaged Couples

If you know someone who is engaged, check in on them. Let them rant without judgment. Encourage them to take breaks. Take them to do something fun or relaxing. Try your best to feel out when it is helpful to say: ”How can I help?”

Wedding planning takes on average 200-500 HOURS!! That’s no joke! It often includes tough conversations, lots of opinions, and overwhelm.

Lastly, if you are looking for additional support! I've gotcha, take a look at a variety of my wedding planning consults, partial wedding planning or full wedding planning packages!